How To Get Your Ex Back - Getting Real With Yourself
We will go to great lengths to avoid the pain of loss, rejection and failure. However, rejection and failure are a part of life, it’s what we do with those emotions that determines our future. Our natural tendency is to fall into despair and continually ask ourselves “why is this happening to me?” or “what did I do to deserve this?”, when what we should do is look at the failure as an opportunity to learn and grow so that we can avoid the same mistakes in the future.
You can’t believe it, you are alone. You and the love of your life have broken up. You feel as though all you can do is replay the break-up over and over in your head, trying to figure out what you did wrong. Your depressed, heartbroken, lonely and exhausted. Take heart, couples reconcile everyday in even the most extreme situations and are able to successfully rebuild their love. It is likely that the two of you split as a result of a heated argument or a series of arguments. It is also likely that the root of the fight(s) was that one or both of you were feeling taken for granted. If you want to get your ex back, heed this warning, be very careful what you do from this point forward. Your actions post the break-up can destroy the love that may still be there.
If you are fully committed to winning your ex back, then the process begins and ends with you. It’s going to take a lot of work and a tremendous amount of discipline, but the reward of getting your ex back into your arms is the utlimate prize, right? Ask yourself, is your ex worth your effort?
Stop all destructive, irrational behaviors! You know what they are and they are absolutely useless anyway. Cease, what I like to refer to as “technology terrorism tactics”, you know like calling, emailing or texting to get ur ex back, no one likes to deal with a desperate, needy person and your ex is no different. They may tolerate your behavior for a period of time out of love, but eventually these tactics will result in your ex pulling further away from you. Do you want to be around a desperate, sad, needy and irrational person all the time? It’s emotionally draining! In short, stop communicating with your ex, even if they contact you.
Stop all self-destructive behaviors immediately! If you are determined to win your ex back, self-destructive actions will certainly undermine all your efforts. Finding solace in food, sleep, alcohol or drunks is not the answer, it only dulls the pain, it doesn’t resolve anything. How you act following your break-up will significantly impact your chances of getting your ex back successfully. Get yourself together, it not only makes you feel better (even just a little), but it shows your ex that you honor the break-up and are working to get your life back in order. People tend to be attracted to others who are able to push through adversity. So join a gym, take up a new or old hobby, start walking, go out dancing with friends, get back to living!
Albert Einstein stated that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result”. Is the act of repeating the final moments of your relationship, you know the break-up, over and over again a thousand times in your head, going to yield a different result? No! You have broken-up. The past is in the past, you cannot change it now. What you can change is the future, that’s within your control. Take this time to take an honest, hard look at your relationship, and ask yourself, what happened, why did it happen and how can it be avoided in the future. Write down your answers, by writing down your answers your mind begins the process of resolving the problem. Only by looking at how we can improve ourselves, not our ex, can we begin to renew ourselves, learn and grow.
This is not the time to play games. Don’t play games with people’s emotions. Trying to manipulate your ex through jealousy, threats, guilt, pleading, chasing, or snooping isn’t the answer and it’s a total waste of your time and energy. You will only end up hurting yourself more in the end. Come on now, think! One of the best ways to win back your ex is to show them the person that they fell in love with or to demonstrate you are becoming the person they want to be with. I doubt very seriously they want to be with a deranged lunatic!
Take it slow. Take this time to learn about yourself and what you really want in a relationship. Visualize your ideal relationship. Make a list of what do you really want in a relationship, what you absolutely do not want in a relationship and what you really must have in a relationship. Don’t think about your ex during this exercise, think about your ideal relationship. Once you’ve completed your lists, then determine if your ex fulfills your needs, wants and desires from a relationship. Also, take a hard look at yourself. Are you the type of person today that could attract the type of relationship that you want? If not, what do you have to do to become that person? Are you willing to become that person?
Deep lasting love takes a huge commitment by both parties. You must put your fear of being hurt aside and completely open yourself to another human being with the knowledge that they will love every aspect of you, the good, the bad and the ugly. Having a truly loving relationship requires mutual commitment, honesty, respect, humility, openness, faith and fortitude. While we all like to believe in the fairy tale romance, we live in the real world with real world challenges everyday. You cannot take love for granted, just like any living thing, you must nurture it everyday for it to grow and blossom.